For me I need no such survey; I’ve long known. Yea, I’m not the best choice. Every woman seems to ask two questions.

1. Do you have a job?
2. Do you get along with your family?

The job question has always been shaky. Although I have a knack for talking my way into them, I’ve rarely held jobs that worked for me in the long run. My credentials tell the story of a long list of short term tenures. Then to the second question I have a decorated history of conflict within my core family that left me behind the game relationally. I tend to make friends quickly but am not good with close friends. A chorus of tried to be caring enough but finally gave up ex girlfriends, can attest to this as well.

The economic downturn proved to be a huge blessing for me. I could no longer BS my way into jobs I didn’t really want. It forced me to think about what I enjoyed doing and how I might translate that into making a living. It was neither comfortable nor fun, and women were quick to lose interest over my lack discernable employment.

For a while my sole outlets became hitting the gym, bike riding, and occasionally rock climbing. Eventually I realized I needed more outlets and picked up dancing. This put me right back in the line of fire of those sizing up life partners. At that, perhaps the workout schedule notched me higher up the ranking system than I may have been accustomed to. I learned to avoid their questions, wait for them to drift on, or left myself. At least being self employed with a flimsy writing business kept them from getting to the family questions. I inadvertently took to dancing with women who were either too young or old, making them out of range. This skirted the issue altogether.

It was bound to happen that I would come across someone that got to me. One girl talked on and on, leaving me mostly mesmerized. I didn’t really hear what she said but her words seemed to carry me away. I could have listened to whatever that was all day. Then I realized we still had the two questions to get to. As she discovered that I hadn’t sorted out how to make a living just yet, I departed. I couldn’t bear to wait for the tired routine of the girl losing interest once finding out I didn’t have it together. But goodness did that one sting. And so to prevent further incidents I decided to make a t-shirt. It’s available to anyone to ward off potential dates over known problems.

My Secret T-Shirt

One other thing happened though. I met another girl, who for whatever improbable reason felt I wasn’t a lost cause. She saw the potential, not the shortcomings. Though we fit squarely in the friend category we got along famously. She gushed affirmation and a fair bit of affection upon a soul tiring of rejection. Within a month finding a job I seemed to like, came easy. It’s amazing what the slightest amount of encouragement can do at times. In retrospect there have been many people like her. There was the girl who let me crash at her place while I sorted things out. And then my tax lady who added me to her friends and family list giving me a 90% discount on her fees. She knew I’d had a rough year and so bumped her mother off the list to make room for me! And then she blushed- it was the cutest thing. I care little for the money but the rare vote of confidence I’ll remember forever.

To get out of the house I’ve been volunteering around town. One place I go is to help at the soup kitchen. I found myself wondering what side of the line I belong on. Should I be offering meals or eating them? They feed us too so it’s a moot point. To me though it was a nagging doubt. Sometimes you need someone else to remind you.

It’s hard to find people on your side when things aren’t going as well as one might hope. Most especially new people you meet. Forget it when it comes to those looking for a guy the way they shop for clothes. So I decided to facilitate the process with my new shirt. The hardest part though was admitting that they were right. Not everyone who grows up as I did snaps out of it. Maybe I’m getting better with friends, but girlfriends are a whole different story. I guess I’ll stick to hitting the gym and dancing with too old or too young women. I couldn’t be happier to meet my new friend though, and hope to be the same for others. And I’ll keep the t-shirt around just to be safe.

You were the year I faced the ones that set my life off course. You were the year the one I always adored, left. During you the one that everyone knows I shouldn’t be around, came back.

Too many times the path was one foot in front of the other, with destinations fleeting in the distant horizon. Too many times I moved forward out of pain, not pursuit. Rest was scarce during you and came guilt laden and with remorse.

The road led to old friends, new friends, growing stronger, smiling during the down times, standing up to people, and accepting the past. Though I now fear less and have faith more, I won’t miss the process you put me through to learn it.

You can never be replaced 2009. But may years like you be scarce to return. The door was closed too many times for your departure to be lamented. May your successor be more gracious and welcoming than you. May its roads lead to, and not away. And may it replace the memories you left with the embrace you never knew.

Golden Gate from Crissy Field

Barber's Pole

Among the amenities that come with old man barber shops are head massagers, and invariably the hot shaving cream shave with the stainless steel blade. The latter is the best part. They put some shaving cream on your sideburns, around your ears, and the back of the your neck. Then they give a skin close shave to leave you looking 100% clean cut. Then out come the chemicals dated 1829 which splash on your neck and ooze into your hair. They turn you around and set you in front of the mirror and of course you say, “Looks great.”

Then you go home and at some point are forced to take a shower to remove the goop from your head. The first realization is that they barely cut any hair. It also turns out that the top is too long, the sides too short. A missing spot here or there. Perhaps grandpa cutting my hair wasn’t the best idea.

I love going to old man barber shops, but two weeks after every time I’ve gone I’m back in a regular old outfit. These consist of primarily Asian women, their sheer clippers, and keener eyesight. It’s not nearly the antiquated and fun experience as the fuddy duddy hair cutting fools with their spinning barber poles. But then, practicality beats having a good time at the barber. I’d rather look good when I leave.

Don’t get me wrong, I always valued the people around me and all the places I could go and things I could do. But having them completely inaccessible for three months has left me in a state of grand appreciation of everything I see. It’s like being a kid in a candy shop. When people are getting up early and going on an all day hike, I go. Before I might have said I was feeling lazy or had other things to do. Now I take advantage of every opportunity I can.

It’s great getting a call from a friend, go out for an impromptu trip to the driving range. Then get a call from other people who are meeting at so and so’s house to bbq or watch a movie. All the while texting and calling people scheduling the rest of the weekend. I have to admit, when in the recesses of ND I even missed the people I never particularly cared for. It’s so great to be around the variety, the ethnicity, and even the disparity and brokeness that seems to creep into the lives of many folks. Where I was in the Midwest it seemed most people hadn’t known the pains of life. Neither highs nor lows. Content to pass through enjoying the days, the straightness of roads, the predictability of life. It’s enviable to be sure, but not the life I’ve known, nor one I can ever.

Incidentally, I finally understand war. Having lived in a place that’s plain and ordinary I can see why people would fight to get to a better place. It’s not a surprise that some of the strongest advocates for peace come from the most beautiful places. They comfortably enjoy the spoils of war- fine wines, beautiful houses, thriving life. I wonder how long they’d march for tranquil stability if you took them out and put them in a desert.

Being back in the bay is great. Seeing old friends and making new. Enjoying the life I had, but with an entirely new appreciation.

The motivation to leave was that I had a friend who was visiting Denver. My sister, her family and mother all live in Denver as well. I’m not particularly close to that side of the family, so I took the opportunity to visit the friend and see everyone else as well. My niece and nephew are the greatest.

From there I ended up heading to my dad’s place in Tahoe. It’s a nice cabin and I stayed five days. My Dad, step mother, step sister and her family all came up for the weekend. It was nice to spend some time with them. When it was all said and done, it was time to head back. I ended up at a friend’s house who had an extra room and didn’t mind if I stayed there for a bit. It was simple and easy. Actually quite nice.

And then the job search started. Within days I had a few interviews lined up, and behold, was offered both positions. I have to admit that I kind of lucked out. It’s tough to get any attention from your resume these days.

Being back in the bay is a bit strange at first. Although most things are exactly as I left them, I think that I am not. I look at life differently. More temporary or short. The time I spend with friends is somehow more valuable since it’s been so scarce lately.  The possibility of leaving again, perhaps more permanently, seems more real.

All told, the trip to ND was a good one. It was hard being somewhere where you don’t have much in common with anyone. I never really planned on staying there and as such, didn’t attempt to make too many friends. But I think the differences between being from the city and growing up in the country don’t lend themself to close friendships. They were definitely some of the best folks you could ever hope to meet though.

Now to attempt to get settled again in this place I call home.

1) Move. The most important thing to do is move. This can come in many or any forms. Go to the gym, or for a run. Consider downgrading one’s physical location so rents or mortgages are lower. Attend industry meetings. Stay active online. The key here is to not get stuck or stopped. Keep the wheels turning even if they don’t seem to be carrying you the same distance as before.

2) Build. Once movement has begun, building is the next step. Although it’s more difficult to shoot for targets without the immediate promise of a reward, it’s necessary to start building. What should you build? That depends on your skill set. If you’re a writer, start a blog. If an artist, draw, sculpt or paint. If a business man, then perhaps a book, or a seminar series on an area of expertise. Pick something to build and build it.

3) Partner. The last step is to partner with others who are in the same boat. When things aren’t going as planned it’s easy to get discouraged. When discouraged, it’s easy to climb into a hole and sit there. Partnering with others can help keep the momentum going. It also keeps the spirits up.

There are many talented people out of work right now. Following these three steps will likely lead to getting oneself back into the workforce. And who knows, the silver lining might come in the form of a new career that wouldn’t have been an option before.

Most prospects were wise, sensing the too good to be true nature of the product. There were of course a few that took the bait. I remember the cheers of elation getting those first sales. As with any sales job, the competitiveness and thirst for customers was strong. As such, the quality of the product gradually increased. The ease with which they could get their money back was exaggerated, as was the immanence of all the future business they’d be passing up. A certain amount of lying was needed to move this product.

These tactics are part of all sales. To large degree, it’s accepted and understood to be part of the game. It usually works out in the end since many if not most companies provide valuable services to their customers. At times customers just need a little encouragement to get over their hesitation to commit to buying. For better or worse, these little lies and half truths keep the economy churning.

Those of us who made it past the first week slowly started to cotton on to the system at this company. They would hire about 20 new sales people at a time. Half would quit over the first month. The others would trickle out over time. A few would be long timers enduring like calcified fixtures. They were icons. Most would manage to bring in a few customers before their exodus, sometimes two or three a day.

As we rounded the first week and began to learn more about how things worked, each sales person realized that they were a clog in a system that cheated customers. The money back guarantee didn’t really work that way. And the product very rarely performed as advertised. We were hired since we sounded trustworthy and were able to push junk on the market. Then the company would attempt to keep as much money as possible, while avoiding lawsuits in the fine print.

By the time I called it quits I had just over a dozen sales. I feel guilty for each and every one. I had wonderful conversations with these people and they decided to cast caution to the wind and risk trusting someone. About a week later I typically received a call back stating that they weren’t happy with the service, that I let them down, and that they wanted their money back. I doubt any of them got a refund.

Working there made me question my own responsibility in being a part of something that is inherently dishonest. All I was doing was selling the product my managers told me to sell. And all customer support did was retain profits on behalf of the company. And management was just setting up a business model to maintain the fiscal prospects of the company. I don’t think any one person set out to sell junk to the customer. It just happened that way.

I’m not sure where the answer lies. Some would say, what’s right for you is right for you, and it’s different for every person. Others would say, too bad so sad for the customer. Every product in every market has shortcomings. At best it will agitate customers. In worse situations people really get an unfair deal. Is a gun or bomb maker morally responsible for innocent deaths? Most would say no, but most would also say they wouldn’t choose to make a gun or bomb that would be used for that purpose. What if they know the buyer will use it as such? If one were to take an extremely conservative stance, you could never work anywhere doing anything. Maybe mowing the grass somewhere. To everyone else, I suppose there is some truth to everyone having to answer that question for themselves. As for me, I’m happy not to be putting my name on a product that doesn’t work.

Fortunately most of the 10 commandments are fairly easy to accept as truth. Don’t kill, don’t worship idols, and so on. Included in the commandments is the 4th which is, “remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.” What’s that? Am I remembering the Sabbath and keeping it holy?

From years of attending church I’ve seen talk of the Sabbath shuffled around in a variety of contexts. Often I’ve heard that Jesus fulfilled the Sabbath by dying on the cross. He was Lord of the Sabbath after all. And then there’s the fact that ever since the Pentecost we have the Holy Spirit living in us so we don’t need to bother with keeping the Sabbath holy anymore. Among the sincerest of Christians, most honor the “Sabbath” in some fashion or another. Their responses are almost comical. “My Sabbath is on Friday night for 2 hours.”, “My Sabbath is if I make it to church.” And another, “My Sabbath is when I go for a walk.”

The Sabbath was an integral part of God’s decree to the Israelites. It was one of the highest laws of the land, which came with the promise of blessings to those who honored it. So did Christ cancel or fulfill our obligation to it when he died and rose again?

I’ll confess, my interest in the Sabbath arose not from saintly curiosity, but because I was tired, exhausted, and worn down. A busy pace of life and constantly being on the go had taken it’s toll. I found myself hesitant to commit to church or ministries as it’s so easy to get sucked into an overwhelming schedule of bible studies, prayer groups, outreaches and so on.  How is one to faithfully pursue God without being constantly fatigued by the many obligations and events? In a sense my land was taking it’s Sabbaths. The ones I didn’t give it.

I went about the business of reading the Bible to see exactly what is said on the subject. Any logical person will say that you need to take breaks, but perhaps there was something that was missed or forgotten over the years. Maybe this Sabbath thing wasn’t so antiquated and outdated as it was made out to be.

There are over 150 references to the word “Sabbath” in the Bible. The Sabbath as the Israelites knew it lasted 24 hours, beginning at sundown on Friday and continuing until sundown on Saturday. It was to be a day of complete rest, where they weren’t even supposed to light a fire in the house. One’s thoughts were to be focused on God, and not on one’s own affairs, nor idle chatter. There was to be no buying or selling, nor causing others to work on the Sabbath as well. My favorite description of the Old Testament Sabbath is from

Isaiah 58:13-14

13 “If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the LORD’s holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,

14 then you will find your joy in the LORD,
and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”
The mouth of the LORD has spoken.

The arguments still trickle in for and against the need to honor the Sabbath. Here’s a lengthy article addressing why it’s no longer in effect, which I very much enjoyed.  Arguments in favor of the persistence of the Sabbath can be found at Sabbath-Truth.org and Sabbathtruth.com

After reading through the varying discussions of why some say the Sabbath is or isn’t in effect, I decided to take a practical approach to the issue. I attempted to honor my first Sabbath. Friday at sundown I stopped work. For the next 24 hours I attempted to do nothing but worship, read the Bible and pray. Here’s a couple of observations. First of all, a full day of focusing on God blows any measly morning quiet time out of the water. The time spent in prayer and worship can lead to a much more meaningful and deep connection with God. Second, the effect of the Sabbath lasted longer than a simple church attendance or prayer session. In making decisions during the week I was more apt to consider them through the lens of God’s perspective. Third, the fact that I was observing the Sabbath created numerous Biblical discussions among friends. These friends were already Christian but like all of us, in need of Godly reminders to be faithful and to have faith in God. I’m sure that if I was just enjoying a Saturday doing whatever I pleased, the conversation wouldn’t have shifted to Spiritual topics.

My conclusion based upon a couple Sabbaths is that I think they’re a good thing. I tend to think that we aren’t under obligation to follow them anymore, but are welcome to if we choose. 1 Cor 10:23 reminds us that all things are permissible, but just not necessarily beneficial. Jesus’ speaks about the Sabbath in Mark 2:27-28, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.” The Sabbath is a gift from God to man. In my brief experience, it has been. Not in a religious legalistic way, but in helping to align my will and spirit into obedience to God’s. It’s also been nice in allowing me a period of rest to completely let go of all earthly pursuits.

One more observation about the Sabbath is that God may not have been accidental with the timing. An honest look at my life and those of other Christian friends is that the weekend is a time where Christians tend to be lax in their piety. The movies that are watched, the company that’s kept, the locale of the gatherings- these all seem to push the limit of what might be considered wholesome. Of course being a moral perfectionist isn’t healthy either.

Ecclesiastes 7:16

¹⁶ Do not be overrighteous,
neither be overwise—
why destroy yourself?

But taking too many freedoms often leads to losing one’s interest in following Christ. Perhaps setting Friday night and all of Saturday aside to worship the Lord is God’s practical design to keeping His followers in line.

I’d encourage anyone to attempt a Sabbath. It’s such an unpopular and uncommon ideology, but perhaps one that shouldn’t have been so quickly abandoned. If nothing else, you’ll likely enjoy the best quiet time with the Lord in quite a while.

Cowboy Hat

1) Bring a hat. I didn’t realize how important this was, but my previous landlord insisted that I take his old 10 gallon straw cowboy hat. I don’t actually wear the hat but leave it above the back seat in my car, visible to all. I get nods from the locals who approve of the hat.

2) Change your license plates. Driving around North Dakota with California plates can be hazardous, even if you have a cowboy hat in the back. It’s best to get the plates changed as quickly as you’re able. Without which, you may find yourself in a confrontation with the locals.

3) Speed Limit. In California the speed limit is more of a general suggestion. Just don’t be the fastest one on the road, right? Not so the case in North Dakota and even less so in neighboring Minnesota. The speed limits are a source of revenue for small towns and taken much more literally. Fortunately it’s often 75 mph, but then look out when you come to a town. It might drop to 65 or even 60. This got me on my trip out in Nebraska. The cop let me off since I missed the first 65 mph sign, but slowed for the second one. Phew!

4) Change lanes. This was a new one to me. When driving along and you see a car or truck pulled over to the side, change to the other lane before you reach the car. Do this especially if it’s a state trooper, seeing as how they’ll track you down and ticket you. It’s considered endangering the life of the officer. Usually there’s plenty of room to change lanes. Remembering to do so is the tricky part.

5) Chains. In all my California driving I’ve never had the occasion to put chains on the car. I needed them the first day I arrived in North Dakota. Granted, I came in on one of the worst blizzards of the season, but still. Without the chains I would have driven 2000+ miles only to not make it the last 1/2 mile to the house.

6) Learn Kung Fu. I mentioned the possibility that without a cowboy hat and while still donning out of state plates you might find yourself in a confrontation with the locals. Kung Fu is your best bet out of it. North Dakotans are a hearty bunch- in a square fight they can hold their own. But pull some Kung Fu on them and they get all confused and dazzled. They start to howl and cuss, but a little bit of Bruce Lee will quickly disperse angry mobs.

Fellow who didn't change the oil in his vehicle

7) Change the Oil. In another preventative measure to protect oneself from being placed in the stocks in the town square, one must be sure to change the oil of their vehicle. We’re talking every 3000 miles and keep the reminder sticker on the windshield. (Note that the car is no longer a car, it’s now a vehicle.)

8) Work. I’ve always considered myself a hard worker. North Dakotans value this more than anything. I go to the local gym and every one of them has a shirt that says “Get to Work”, “Do Work”, “Do More Work”, or “Workers Win”. I’ve never seen so many people excited about work.

Outsider who turned down a Bud Light

9) Coors/Michelob/Bud Light. Now I know all CA beer snobs just cringed, gasped, choked, and curled up on the floor and gagged. It pains me to say, these are the beers of choice. There are those locations that offer a little more variety, but the simple act of buying and actually drinking one of these can potentially stave off a number of disquieting consequences. Rumors abound of import drinkers being drawn and quartered, put on the wheel, or even executed by elephant, (which is surprisingly common in many North Dakotan townships).

10) When all else fails, talk about changing the oil. This is related to #7, but deserves its own section due to how useful it is. You can pretty much insert the words, “and then I had the oil changed”, into any conversation at any point and it will appease an increasingly maddening crowd. Let’s say for instance you’re at the grocery store and some dude takes issue with the fact that you don’t have soot on your face. He’s reaching for a cut crowbar which happens to be in his back pocket. All you have to say is, “Man, I’ve got to get my oil changed.” The lout will put the bar right back where it belongs and gruffly say, “Oh”, and then walk away.

Moving to North Dakota wasn’t easy, but with these easy to follow steps even the most decent Californians can survive the many hardships and certain dangers of this distant land.

Ephesians 6:5-8

⁵Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. ⁶Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. ⁷Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, ⁸because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free.

Normally when you tell someone an encouraging verse you’d pick something that says God is on your side, have faith, don’t fear, and so on. But the verse on slaves and masters affects everything we do. Everything I do.

Bosses are always a touchy issue. In the words of an old coworker of mine, “Having a boss that likes and supports you is the difference between being happy and being miserable.” It’s sad, but in many cases, true. We’ve all had managers with different styles, different levels of competency, and different ethics. These things cause strife, stress and oftentimes some degree of fallout. So what is the Biblical method for dealing with a tough boss? Well, according to this text it’s to work hard, as if you were working for Christ. That can be a tough pill to swallow, especially when your boss is the very person making your life difficult.  This reminds me of Jacob’s complaint against his boss.

Genesis 31:6-7

⁶ You know that I’ve worked for your father with all my strength, ⁷ yet your father has cheated me by changing my wages ten times. However, God has not allowed him to harm me.

In this case Jacob’s boss and uncle was attempting to take advantage of  him multiple times. Eventually he left, but not until he had fulfilled his commitment to his uncle. He bore up under the duress of a dishonest boss and continued to struggle. Illustrative of Jacob’s character are the words of God himself.

Genesis 32:28

“Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome.”

The example of Jacob and admonitions of Ephesians provide a roadmap for handling challenging work situations. Essentially, bear up under the stress. Prayerfully stick it out.

Dealing with tough bosses or work situations is in fact, tough. It’s important to go to God in prayer when faced with challenges. It’s especially important to read the relevant Bible passages that provide instructions as to how Christians should respond. Most importantly, accept God’s grace for yourself if you don’t handle things as well as you might hope. It’s hard to turn the other cheek, and to love your enemies. Especially when that enemy so closely affects your emotional and financial well being.

Now if I could only follow this advice!